Archive for November, 2012

A picture post <3


Often I hear “How is poly different then cheating. You can’t be poly and cheat can you??”

My answer: YES. YOU CAN. I’d also like to take this moment to plug this thought, if you can’t NOT cheat and be monogamous, it likely isnt going to work being in an open relationship either.

Cheating as defined by me: PURPOSEFULLY lying and deceiving someone. If you are going behind a persons back to see someone, thats dishonest, and its cheating. If you are making out with ane on the weekend, but ya know, its no biggie since you are technically dating, but have never discussed prior to that being okay? I’ll throw down the ban hammer of cheating again.

In an open relationship, you are OPEN. Meaning, you may choose to date just one other person, maybe two. For all I care 4892 of them. BUT you need to be honest about that.

Dont take someone’s heart and trash it, because you can. Its mean. Its cruel. It still makes you dishonest.


I have cried a bunch today. I can’t think about this election without tearing up. This is 2012. My uterus is being voted on. My ‘pre-exsisting’ condition of being a woman is being argued over.

I dont understand.

I understand the default is the underlying religion that has taught people to think this way. Religion in large orginized groups is dangerous. It is a tatic used for control. I get it. I am a peace loving Pagan.

My LGBTQ community is being voted on. This cant REALLY be happening?

I hear the rumor that its going to be okay tonight. That Obama will win.

My parents and family are voting for the other guy. They think that LGBTQ is a choice. That, its not worth giving right to. I feel like I am an ignored voice, because I am married. Because that means I get benifits, so why should I care?

My sexual orientation, isnt a choice. It has been forever. Really, if I could have picked I probably wouldnt have picked to be MOST attracted to trans people and gender queer people. It would have been easier other ways. Really.

Today, at this moment, when I don’t know what is going to happen. I hurt. I will cry. When I know it will all be okay, I will rejoice and I will cry tears of happyness.



^That is what I am standing for.

Dona Nobis Pacem

Settle down it will all be clear

I am…. Wanderlust.

I don’t do well staying in one location. This move, I thought it would be great. It has been. But The internal anxiety that grows with feeling  more and more like we will forever be in this city, is difficult.

I hope to get into a family dr and get some anxiety meds soon. I really dont remember what its like to laugh without anxiety in the back of my head. It is the single most exsuasting thing in the world, anxiety. It’s always there. it never takes a break. Your head is coming up with a ‘what if…’ for everything as it happens.

I took A a pizza tonight as a surpise. To see her face light up made my night. But my good old friend anxiety was in the back of my head saying  “She doesnt care… she just wants the food” I KNOW that is bullshit. I know that anxiety in my head is not true. 

I hate how I feel like a monster when I explain (or try) my anxiety. The world we live in makes any mental issue, even something as small and as normal as anxiety, evil and scary. It is heart breaking to me. It makes me feel broke and unlovable. un loved. all not true.

I have a huge cross country trip coming up in 2 and a half weeks. I think that will kick my travel need to the curb for a while. I look forward to it.