Archive for January, 2013

What’s next in my life?

When one door closes, another opens… or in this case… maybe more than one!





Yeah life isnt stopping. Today was the best day I have had in a long time. I laughed. I ran. I jumped. I cracked jokes. I saw friends. I watched a movie.

Today was fantastic.

So, whats next?

Finishing losing weight. I stalled out. But  I am back on it. I am getting a dog, so she will got to come walking with me.

More modeling. I have some semi nude shoot idea’s and fetish shoots semi planned and scheduled.

More photgraphy on the other side of the camera.

Becoming more involved in the local freethinkers group and kink community. More tattoo’s and more fun. School will be blasting into my life soon again, look out, I will have a job that pays taxes and big tattoo’s!


I am going to do a picture post! Of the  things that are happening in life. No words. Just pictures.
Enjoy 🙂



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For real

When I say I quit, I am a half a second from meaning it. I really dont know that I can deal with much more.

My LDR with Jedi is no more.

I am still in this stupid town.

I feel like no one in my clan here cares (which is probably fabricated. regardless, its how i feel)

I have no job

I cant get to school because my blood relatives cant go 6 months without a damn crisis.

I am the black sheep of the family

I am the only democrat (yeah it matters)

I am the only non christian (again, it matters)

CxD wants family sex, and all I feel like saying is go stay with Bugg. Because I am so over it that I dont even..


I am so heart broke. I dont think my back can take more.

One more thing, ONE MORE and I will just be reduced to a sobbing non stop mess.

I have just cried at the drop of a hat for the last two days, I dont want food.

I feel like no one can possibly understand how much I hurt.


be back later


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Was going to write an actual post about something actually important. But I didnt. (Its sorta sitting in drafts.)

Long and the short of it.

I feel like a failure. I feel like a problem.

I dont know why i ever thought it would change.

A disjointed thought pile

Been sick for 5 days now. -.-

I hope to feel good enough tomorrow to go walking at the gym. I need to work on my weight some more. Keep going down. I am at just about 20lbs lost. Halfway to my first goal.

I struggle with motivation. My reason behind that is kind of shallow though. Because bugg isnt helpful. He constantly goes on about ho  he doesnt want me skinny. K. Got it. But i am not doing this for him. Im doing it for me.

CxD the other day while i was doing some house work thing just out of no where remarked on how skinny i was. That she just suddenly noticed.

Havent heard from j in a while. :/

I am hoping to go to cali this summer to get to meet and visit some people. Siren and her wife I know from online herper groups. (She might even be reading this right now). I have really bonded with them over the last few months. Siren is excite  for my visit, though I am not sure  she knows the full level of tornado i am 😉 she may have a good idea. Lol.

We are moving in a month. Same area, bigger  place. Getting ready for a dog.

Ummmm what else….

Idk. Just other stupid shallow thoughts in my head i guess.


I blog. I have three infact. I have this blog. I have a ‘normal ‘ blog, where i discuss things such as food. No religion, no politics, no mention of being anything but bland things. I also have a tumblr.

I dont really give out my tumblr blog. Infact, I think only Bugg knows the address of it. On that blog I journal stuff more for me. If it drifts into someones blog roll, so be it. But i am not going to necessarily invite it.

I am reading today, since I am sick, i am reading alot today. I would like to finish the book i am on, maybe read another 180pg book or so. Then consider starting a non fiction. Likely either the ethical slut orrrr maybe richard dawkins book.

Anyway, the point of this post. In the book, Reeve, who is 18, is describing his girlfriend. He hasnt seen Janie is a few weeks now and is thinking about her. He mentions the things about her body that drive him crazy. The intoxicating things.

It is odd that it feels like we live in a world where that is not ‘okay’ to discuss. Even in a sex positive community it seems semi off limits.

The things I find make it hard for me to concentrate? To remember to breathe?

With B, it is how show stoppingly handsome and composed he is when he is at work. The way he stands and smiles while he is doing buisness. He can literally swoon the sense out of you without trying. When he smiles and the sun catches the auburn glow of his facial hair.

C. She is a very victorian style beauty. One of the things i find very attractive about her (that i knkw she dislikes oddly enough) is the way her nose fits her face. She has a wonderful side profile. It is slightly chisled. I love how she looks in clothes that show her soft contour of how her curves all feed into one another. Her waist being small and flat but everything els  is just a line of curves.

J. Hip bones. Gahhhh. Her hip bones drive me crazy. The way they feel when my hand rests on them.  Her laugh is truly intoxicating to me also. I could watch and hear her laugh forever.

What do YOU find most intoxicating or attractive about the ones you love??? Comment! Can be anon or not, either way.

Sick as Snot



been reading. I am going to start up on some non fiction stuff again. I miss it.
Sometime I should tell you about what i know alot about.

I am a real geek/nerd, I walk the walk and talk the talk. Look out those with fetishes for smart femme’s with glasses.