Archive for March, 2015

But I can’t discuss it on public outlets.
But I know stuff regarding court, and rentals and stuff.

I also know that people are idiots.


Dr appointment tomorrow. I’m pretty sure the boy child rotated and is transverse now. Not complete breech. If he doesn’t finish rotating we have to start discussing c sections in a few weeks. Part of me says ‘nooo! I wanna push him out.’ The other part says ‘cut him out. It’s fine.’

We go tour some apartments tomorrow. We have to get a 2 bedroom. Urg.

Turned in keys at the trailer today. Good riddance to that city.

Had lunch with the ex husband while there last week. This week on Saturday we went our with flame and bear. Twas nice.

Little guy is big enough now that when he moves my entire tummy shifts. I’m ready for him to be here. I’m ready for baby cuddles and such.

I’m also pretty sure that I will miss being pregnant. Never thought I’d say that. I want one more after him, if we could afford it I would love 2 more. But I just don’t think that’s in the cards. Depending on the cards we may not even have one more. They just cost so darn much.

So do cats. I want a kitten. I’ve wanted a kitten for a year or so now. Cinder wants a kitten. We have Gar and Ele. They are awesome. But tiny kitten cuteness is calling to me.
Too bad most apartments cap at 2 pets.

Our new payscale takes effect on the 4th. Yay for slightly more money. It’s still a far cry from a living wage. But. I mean. Thanks wallhell.

Get the kid out of my body.

I’m huge. I hurt. I can’t sleep. He hurts me when he moves now. 3 pounds is huge, I don’t think I can handle 6 or 7 or 8.

I dunno what my feet look like. I can’t fit in clothes. My boobs are huge. I mean… huge. They don’t fit in much either.

I want to start working out again and look nice again. Not like a pregnant heifer. No, I don’t care that people think pregnant is cute. It’s impractical.

I’m ready for the pushing him out part. The holding him part. And really being confused as to what the hell to do with him.

I’m going to smack people if they keep asking stupid questions.
No he isn’t here yet.
10 weeks left… yes it’s too long.
I plan on breastfeeding at least a year, pumping for longer if I can. No, it won’t hurt him because he is a boy…. get over yourself.
No I’m not letting a blade near his Penis so it can ‘look nice’.
Yes he will get every shot in the book.
Maybe he will have another sibling. I’ve not got him here yet.

Great. Now those are all answered. Go away people.

Also stop touching my belly. It’s rude. You didn’t ask.

We renamed him too. So bite me if you’re mad about that.

I’m going to bed

So work today involved three tearful breakdowns. One in front of a manager when she happily asked me how I was doing. I literally lost it, in tears all in front of her. sobbing like a moron. -.-


Then another coworker in all good fun poked my belly and says ‘Look! ts my baby! you are growing it just for me to hold!’
And I turned around finger in her face and literally lost my sanity. I snapped at her and said “No! Its not YOURS. Ive been sick, I have made him, I have grown him, I have been in pain with him. You wont fucking touching him.’ and stormed off.
I went back later and apoligized.

It was the sngle weirdest thing, I knew it was irrational at the moment it happened, but at the moment of, my brain was CONVINCED that someone was in someway going to hurt my baby. Thus, I totally lost it.
It made me so angry that I got so irrational. But I mean, it was just nothing but pure rage and fear that for SOME REASON she was going to hurt my baby.


Pregnancy and being a mom has turned me into a very fierce and harsh person pretty quick. I have mixed emotions on how I feel about it. It bothers me in a way, because it is so very different of how my life has been before now. But in another way, I get that that is what its supposed to do.

Saint patricks day

Cinder helped me make a corned beef last night for the first time. It turned out super good.
For dinner he cooked a chicken alfredo pasta oven baked dish thing.

At the dragon house Grandma is down (Goes home today) But she came for the kids spring break. It is always fun havng her around, and it helps Ru with the kids since husband is in hospital again.

Waiting on some mail still to get to mom and dads so we can get moved here soon. Looks like we will probbaly pick a 1 bedroom for cost reasons, we might find a 2 bedroom still out of nice want. But, ya know.

I have my Rhogam shot tomorrow and the diabetes test. Just 12 weeks left until I get to hold and kiss our little boy. I am looking forward to it big time.

Cinder should be able to take about 3 weeks off for paternity leave we hope. It will be nice to have him home when I am trying to even learn what to do.



So worn out


Initial part of court was tuesday. Cinder got slammed to the table and denied by a self absorbed 60 year old dick wagon. I can’t even discuss it much past that, it makes me almost violently angry.

He has another court date sometime to be announced in the next 30 days.

We are starting to get a good feel for the areas we want to live in. So in april we can actually get moved in to a place.
I’ve found some bottles for Jax and the Dragon house happened to have them to pass on and that was great. Bottles for breast fed babies are like 12$ each 0.0

Our new kit Garfunkel has adapted perfectly.

I’m so worn out from trying and fighting and going forward right now. I admire Cinder in that he just was like ‘okay’ got right back up and has carried on even more determined than ever.
I’m still back here on the ground with bloody scraped knees.
I’m really struggling with it all.
I feel like I should be able to just get up and go forward. But right now I am full of being lost and not understanding.

Dr appointments start every 2 weeks soon. We still have to get fully moved out of the trailer. We have about you know…. 3 days free to do that.

I just want a week to lay in bed and not exsist for a week. But really at work is where I need to be. It at least forces me to do something and I make some money.

Picture things