Category: Coming out

Cinder and I are at this point on this roller coaster we are currently on where, no matter how much UP there is and improvement, truth be told, we are just ready to get off.

His depression has been fighting him pretty hard as has mine. Its my natural instinct to fight and struggle to keep him afloat when all I can do is hardly swim myself.


We both got new jobs. We can leave our big retail store now.
This has caused its own large amount of drama with our co-workers. But it is what ever.

Nightwish is supposidly going full time into the military thus leaving us custody of Dreamer.

We just went and visited the Big City. While there I got to see Spyder. It was nice, I got to discuss Mary Kay stuff with her and do some make up learning.


I also introduced Cinder to my parents. Dad really liked him, Mom was…. okay with his precence.


I just got the official judge signed decree of my divorce being finalized. It was final as of september 11th. So yay

I am going to be joining Cross fit at the beginning of october I think. I have had it on my bucket list and its moving its way up there. I also want to do the 21 day fix. I am ready to get myself in shape hard core.







I am addicted to this song recently.  I dont care any more if the world knows what my secrets are.

I recently came out to my Best friend about EVERYTHING. Ya know, the whole shebang.
It went… Something like this. I was angry and upset after a text from her about being angry and upset. So in this fury of tears I replied and I was basically like “IM GAY! So you can hate me now!” She replied with shes known since we where teens. Which resulted in more tears of angry and frustration.
Basically it was like this: Me laying on floor sobbing. Nightwish trying to hug me and Cinder saying “Oh my dear come here” Me laying there sobbing more on the floor of my apartment. Nightwish finally managing to get me up into her arms and then I was squished between her and Cinder.

It went like that.


This weekend i am in the Big city visiting her. Its been much neded and lots of fun.

I head back to Small Town USA tomorrow in time to see the family a bit before off to work I go. I brought a shirt and pants for work.





Yesterday I went out with Nightwish and her son Dancer as well as CxD.

CxD will be leaving for the big city soon so I am trying to spend as much time with her as I can as well as I want her to get to know Nightwish, Cinder and Dancer well. I want her to know I am cared for and wanted and loved. To know that while she is far I am still safe. Its important to me that she knows that.

Today Cinder and I had a ‘us day’. We went out to BWW and then walked around down town. We stopped by my tattoo shop to see how my sleeve is coming Sarah says its coming along great. I am stoked. I get to get it started next week. Early birthday for me.

Then Nightwish, Cinder and I talked to Dancer about me. Basically at 5 he just wanted to know if he could be my boyfriend also.

Bugg and I are no longer. The divorce preceedings are going to begin soon ( Read as: I have to get over there and FINISH MY PAPERS)

Final and I are on a difficult ground. I love him dearly, it is returned, it is however difficult right now.

CxD is moving to The Big City. Leaving me here in my little town alone.

Life has been REALLY hard. I mean really hard. I wish I could tell you more about it. But then I just sound like this neurotic mess. Which, I kinda have been.

10172767_637799282973459_4247846534499139553_nBut that is a great summary really.

Then There is Nightwish, Cinder and their son Dreamer.
They have brough me such joy in the last few days and reminded me why I do this. Why I fight through all this BS.
I will tell you more later.

Know I am alive. I am back and I am still here.



Watch me!

Will my family ever not feel like an up hill fight?
It really isn’t one.
I just, feel like I hope MAYBE someday I can say things and not have certain people react with OMG WTF WHY FOR.
Really. I am old enough to make my OWN choices in life.
I wish people would stop being negative nancy’s.

You said I wouldn’t be employed, because of my half sleeve and forearm tattoo’s.
You said I was too young to be on a long term commited relationship. It was just betting half my stuff that it would work.
You said I wouldnt be able to do a move across the state.
You were WRONG every SINGLE time.

MAYBE FOR ONCE – You could say “I bet you will succeed!”